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Fire and Fury: Live Every Wednesday Like It’s Your Last

Posted by on August 9, 2017
Further to yesterday's post, you'll be pleased (or perhaps disappointed) to learn that both my wheels:


And my saddle:


Were still there after hours of sitting unattended in midtown Manhattan.

This could mean that both the Abus NutFix and the Hiplok Z LOK provided ample anti-theft protection, or of course it could just mean that the thieves were distracted by other far more attractive bikes in the area:


That bike looks like it has a mustache:


I did, however, return to my bike to find a note on it.  "I hope your ride back," it began suggestively...


...sucks?  ...is horrible?  ...ends in tears?

...results in a saddle sore the severity of which defies medical science and necessitates the consumption of an entire bottle of Floyd's of Leadville CBD Hemp Oil?


My fingers trembled with anticipation as I unfurled the note, only to find that it contained nothing but well-wishings:


What can I say?  Some think the glass is half-empty, others think it's half-full, and I think the glass contains a deadly admixture of sulfuric acid, spider venom, and Mario Cipollini's crotch sweat.

Assume the worst and you'll never be disappointed.

Anyway, the ride back did go well thankyouvermuch, and I even had time for a quick stop:


To pick up some kale:


What, you got a problem with salad?

I didn't think so.

Best of all, I didn't get caught up in any violent altercations:



I seem to recall reading somewhere that the driver got impatient and tried to make his way through a large group of cyclists who had "corked" an intersection, and while I in no way advocate violence, at the same time fuck him.

Sometimes you just need to wait a couple of minutes.

Lastly, the Colorado Classic is about to begin (in Colorado somewhere I'm assuming):


And it's shaping up to be a Fred-tastic freakout complete with food fairs, flea markets, and even a musical concert featuring music bands who play music and everything:


I am simultaneously too young and too old to be into any of these bands, but presumably these people aren't:


Actually I'm sure those people would go "Whooo!!!" no matter where you stuck them: a bike race, the line at the bank, the emergency room, you name it...


Because they are assholes.

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