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Much Ado About Fredness

Posted by on August 7, 2017
Well I'm still waiting for my wooden speed sleigh, which I understand should be coming any day now:


In the meantime I've been training hard on my chubby bike:


As well as my bike with those curved-type handlebars like they use in the Tour de France:


And of course now that I'm on Strava I intend to push the Renovo and myself to our very limits:


That's right, I plan to set those Strava segments on fire--unless of course the Renovo goes up in flames first.

Speaking of test items, a little while ago I mentioned that I'd received a set of these reusable locking zip ties from Hiplok:


While I've been carrying one around in my jersey pocket lately just in case I need to duck into a store in a low-crime area, I admit I haven't had occasion to actually use one yet.  However, do you see that little two-pronged key?


Well it totally saved my ride yesterday.

Here's what happened.

As the curator of a vast publishing empire and the father of an undisclosed number of human children it's not too often that I have time to go for a leisurely Sunday ride.  However, yesterday the stars aligned in just such a was as to make that possible.  So I grabbed the Ol' Milwaukee and pointed it north.

However, a few blocks from my home, I noticed a potentially ride-ending problem:

My bar tape was messed up.

Specifically, the edge of one piece of bar tape had wriggled itself free from beneath the overlapping piece, and so it was popping up a tiny bit.  Now, as a parent with limited riding time my capacity for bicycle imperfection has increased considerably over the years.  Filthy bike?  Out-of-true wheel?  Rusty chain?  I no longer give any of these a second thought.

However, riding around with unraveling bar tape is a notch above sporting a great big greasy chain ring tattoo, and the level of distraction it would present during my ride was akin to having a pebble in my shoe or a burr in my chamois.

Anyway, I was just about to throw the bike over a guardrail and give up cycling forever when it occurred to me that I could take that little zip tie key and tuck the tape back where it belonged.  So that's what I did:


Success!

Incidentally, this particular tape says "Do not stretch" on the package, but clearly there's a fine line between not stretching and not wrapping tightly enough, and I guess I must have been just beneath that line by the time I made my way to the top of the bar.

It is exceedingly comfortable though, so I'm willing to ride the learning curve.

Speaking of Strava, now that I'm broadcasting my lame rides to the world, clearly I need to take the next step and make dramatic videos about them--just like world famous fixie bike rider Patrick Seabase:

Morocco - Riding in the Atlas Mountains from Patrick Seabase on Vimeo.

This clip captures the beauty of riding in the High Atlas Mountains, close to Marrakech. 
A place, rich in culture and history - Containing a wide range of topography, ideal for cycling.
From the intense atmosphere of Marrakech to the silent peaks up to 3000m.

Gearing: 47/17

No, this clip does not capture the beauty of riding in the High Atlas Mountains.  What it captures is the intricate linework of Patrick Seabase's chest tattoo and the wispy hairs of his mustache:


It also captures the deranged look of someone chasing a phantom derailleur in the sky:


Then, on the way down, it captures the frantic spinning and skidding we've all been laughing at since 2007:


And finally it captures the unavoidable truth that riding a fixie is only slightly less badass than riding a motor scooter:


All of this is doubly clear if you mute the soundtrack, which accounts for about 95% of the video's drama.

Lastly, remember when Fred Specs were going to be all the rage?


("Come in, Planet Fred.  Do you read me, Planet Fred?")

Well maybe not:


SANTA CLARA, Calif. (BRAIN) — Intel Corporation has quietly discontinued its Recon Jet smart sunglasses line as part of its reported move out of the wearables market. In a document published on the Intel website, the company said it would stop accepting orders for the products on Sept. 29.

Though not everybody's giving up on the concept:

Everysight, an Israel-based company, is continuing to move ahead with its heads-up display sunglass, also marked for cyclists. The company attended Summer PressCamp last month and said it will begin shipping its glasses soon. 


Because you can never have too much information:


I hope they come out with a monocle version I can use with my wooden bike.

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