Okay, settle down, settle down.
And you in the back, get that pencil out of your nose.
I'm now pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll see the item, and if you're wrong you'll see triathlon action.
Thanks for reading, ride safe, and buy yourself something nice today because you deserve it.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
PS: Remember, if you don't like tests there's always more me over at the Bike Forecast, and who doesn't want that?
(Science Fact: It's impossible to sustain an injury if you're wearing a helmet.)
1) A Dublin cyclist who was hit by an unlicensed and uninsured driver was deemed partially responsible because he didn't happen to be wearing a helmet.
(It should not surprise you that Freds need step-by-step instructions to eat oatmeal.)
2) Which is not one of the six mistakes you're making with your oatmeal according to Bicycling magazine?
--Making it with water instead of milk
--Not using a large enough bowl
--Forgetting to stir it
--Failing to upgrade from steel cut to crabon cut
3) A Giro d'Italia cyclist was recently fined for:
--Blowing a "snot rocket"
--Scrawling a message on his chest in which he asked a woman to date him
--Damaging the image of the Giro by engaging in "effeminate" behavior
--Refusing to air-kiss Mario Cipollini during a pre-stage ceremony
(Beloved Tour of California mascot Hypie the Hypodermic Needle-Wielding Devil-Bee)
4) The official Giro d'Italia mascot is currently:
--"Lupo Wolfie" (a wolf)
--"Orso Corso" (a bear)
--"Jenni Genetta" (a common genet)
--"Mario Cipollini (species indeterminate)
(Drapac was actually Tupac's arch-nemesis. Just kidding. Or am I?)
5) Cannondale-Drapac manager Jonathan Vaughters says "pro cycling is the best sponsorship deal in sports." What is Drapac?
--An allergy medication
--A "property funds management business that identifies value through unorthodox means"
--A shampoo that restores thinning hair
--An "integrated and leveraged vertical platform that gives investors exposure to a broad portfolio of assets in order to maximize yields"
6) Which is not a recommended method for determining proper tire pressure?
--Purchasing an aftermarket gauge
--Sitting on your bike while it's on a bathroom scale
--Employing the 15% compression formula
--Squeezing the tires
7) In a Wall Street Journal opinion piece Myron Magnet said the next mayor should "rip out Times Square's pedestrian mall."
***Special "Well That's It, Cycling's Over, We Can All Pack Up And Go Home Now" Bonus Video***
Yeah that's right, he's using Zwift outside.
(I couldn't watch the whole thing, but I really hope it ends with him getting a ticket for not wearing a helmet.)