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Bike Month Comes But Once A Year

Posted by on May 4, 2017


Yes, that's right, this Saturday, I, the so called "Bike Snob," will be loitering at the Walz Caps booth at Bike Expo New York:


You won't want to miss me, if for no other reason than you can pick up the new BSNYC cap, which is a subtle homage to the local Applebee's.

Seriously.

(Don't worry, it doesn't say "Applebee's" on it.)

Also, if you want to ride down to the Expo together let me know, though I'll tell you right now if it's raining I'm going multimodal with the Brompton:


These days my MetroCard gets more of a workout than my legs.

Speaking of stuff you put on your head:
Yeah, that's right:


Good advice indeed.

By the way, in addition to the helmet misspelling (or correct spelling depending on how you look at it), May isn't "Bicycle Safety Month."  It's just plain Bike Month:


So if anything it would be nice if everyone would stop bugging us about the stupid helmets already.  I realize we're not going to undo Helmet Mania in this country anytime soon (though believe me I'm doing my best on this end), but at the very least they could shut the fuck up about it until June.  Bike Month should be a celebration of the joy of cycling during which we revel in delightful weather, savor the freedom of the bicycle, and appreciate wherever it is we live.

Here are five (5) things you should try at least once during Bike Month:

Riding Without A Helmet

Try it, you might like it.  And I guarantee you'll survive.  If you don't, contact me from beyond the grave and I'll refund your money.

Riding With Headphones

Boy do people ever get self-righteous about that one.  Do you know how dangerous it is to ride while listening to music or a podcast at a moderate volume?  Not very.  In fact, probably not at all.  The biggest risk is that you'll get a ticket depending on your local laws.  (In New York City you're only allowed to wear one earbud, which frankly seems more disorienting.)

Riding No-Handed While Having A Cellphone Conversation

Can you ride no-handed?  Can you walk and talk at the same time without bumping into anything?  If so you can combine them both into a no-handed ride-and-talk.  Of course, it's the kind of thing people see and think, "What an irresponsible person!," but the people who think that are usually douchebags.

Going For a Long Ride Without Wearing Special Clothes

When was the last time you just hopped on your bike and went a long way without getting all dressed up first?  If you're a Fred, not since you were like 8.  However, the truth is it's actually possible to ride a bike without stuffing yourself into an overly-revealing Lycra Fred condom.  In fact, it can be quite liberating, and it might even encourage you to stop along the way and do stuff, like have a drink--which brings me to...

Stop And Have A Freaking Drink for Chrissakes

Trust me, I spent years Fredding about and doing my best not to stop lest I sacrifice precious miles, and I'd get anything to have that wasted time back.  Had I ridden half as much and drunk twice as much I'd probably...well, I'd probably be in even worse shape than I am now, but I'd probably have been a lot more pleasant to be around.  (Then again, if I hadn't spent so much time racing and Fredding about back then I probably wouldn't appreciate not doing it now, so I guess it works both ways.)

Hey, it's Bike Month, loosen up is all I'm saying.

Speaking of which, I saw the following video via the Twitter, and while it purports to be motivational I saw it as nothing less than a horrifying cautionary tale:



I pray to the Good Lob on High that one day this poor Fred is able to break the Shackles of Weeniedom and know what it means to be free.

Seriously, if you get too deep into all of this you can lose the ability to think, and next thing you know you're reading articles about how to purchase food in a deli:
Horrifying.

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