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Where the hell have you people been all day??? (Also, a low-key pre-announcement.)

Posted by on April 19, 2017
Remember awhile back when I said that there was a 59% chance I'd curate some kind of Pre-Fondon't?


And remember how I said that if it did happen I'd give you short notice?

Well, here's your short notice:


Yes, that's right, THIS VERY SATURDAY, I'll lead whoever feels like it on a moderate-length mixed-terrain ride.  Then, we'll stop for beers, which I'm pretty sure I can get one of my generous sponsors to pay for!  How's that sound?


Of course, this being merely a pre-Fondon't build-up ride, this is merely a pre-announcement for the pre-Fondon't ride.  I'll give you all the exact details between now and Friday, mostly because I'm still inventing them.  That will be the Actual Announcement.  Nevertheless, I'm sure you have many questions in the meantime, so here's an FAQ:

Why the short notice?

Two reasons:

1) As a semi-professional bike blogger, noted author, father of 17 children (and mother of 9), and lead guitarist of the rock group Unicorn Glitterfuck, I'm incredibly busy--so busy it's difficult to find a free day to ride bicycles in a recreational fashion.  Therefore, instead of waiting for the perfect day, which will probably never come, I just figured, "Fuck it, let's do it Saturday;"

3) Giving short notice means nobody has time to do anything stupid like travel to get to this thing, and that there will probably only be a few of us. 

What time will it start?

Probably 8:30am.  I'll get back to you.

Where will we meet?

Probably Upper Manhattan or the Bronx.  Or maybe Central Park but I don't know if I feel like going all the way down there.  I'll get back to you.

What's the route?

We'll head north via the Bronx, cut a swath through lower Westchester County, and wind up back in the Bronx at a place where beer is served.  There will be pavement, dirt, and some trespassing.  I'll give you more details in the official announcement.  Total distance will probably be in the neighborhood of 30 miles.

What do you want from me?

Ah, yes, I'm glad you asked.  You know that annoying thing they do at weddings where they put a disposable camera at every table and ask the guests to take pictures?  (Come on, you remember: you got drunk and thought it would be hilarious to take a picture of your own crotch.)  Well, we all have cameras in our phones now that we're living in the future, so all I ask is that afterwards everyone send me at least one (1) photo from the ride (and not of your own crotch) along with a few words for context if warranted.  I will then incorporate some of these into a future post.

In other words, you'll be doing my job for me.

All of this is already WAY too many words to say "Let's all ride on Saturday."  Stay tuned for more details.

I love you,


--Wildcat Rock Machine






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