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The Future’s So Shocking I Gotta Wear Pads

Posted by on April 17, 2017
***Importent Reminder***

Tonight this is happening:
Rest assured that I've been preparing assiduously--not by working on my presentation (I still have no idea what I'm going to say) but by riding one of those stupid all-terrain bicycles with only one gear ratio:


And then going to the taco truck:


I've also got caps and stuff from Walz to give away, and according to UPS there's a box o' coffee from Just Coffee currently en route to my palatial estate, so if all goes according to plan at least some of you will be going home capped and caffeinated.

Plus, if you're willing to reach into your wallet, purse, or wherever you keep your currency, you can buy a copy of my latest book, The Ultimate Manual Of Velocipeding on Velocipedes: A Velocipede Primer, which I will even bedazzle for you:


So don't miss it, because New York Magazine called it "the hottest ticket in New York City:"

So there you go.

In other news, remember the Specialized FutureShock?  It's that road bike suspension system you're not using:


Well, a friend alerted me to the drama of professional cycling person Niki Terpstra's crash due to a failed FutureShock:

Apparently, despite the vertical frame compliance and comfort across all of the major touch points afforded by the FutureShock system, Terpstra just wanted an old-fashioned rigid bicycle.  However, instead of giving him one, Specialized gave his FutureShock some Viagra so it would behave like one.  The results were disastrous:

The FutureShock system relies on a cartridge between the stem and the steerer that allows the cockpit to move in response to road input. According to Specialized, Terpstra requested a rigid component so his handlebars did not move, so Specialized developed such a piece. A pre-production rigid cartridge ultimately made it onto Terpstra’s bike due to a communication error. This cartridge was not approved for racing use. Quick-Step’s seven other riders used the non-rigid FutureShock system during the race.

Specialized, of course, apologized profusely:

Heading into Paris-Roubaix, a few of our riders asked to try a rigid cartridge as well as the fully-active Future Shock on their new Roubaix bikes. In response to this, we developed a pre-production rigid steerer cartridge and later an approved engineered cartridge for the race.

In the days leading up, Niki Terpstra chose to race the rigid option. Unfortunately, a missed communication on the Specialized team resulted in the pre-production part remaining in Niki’s bike instead of being replaced by the approved engineered part. Ultimately, this failed during the race. All other riders raced on Future Shock equipped bikes.

Though I can't help thinking this is the Fredly equivalent of putting a horse head in your bed, and a message to the world that all Freds who refuse the forward march of technological progress will be systematically eliminated.

As for me, I'll stick to my Rivendell road bike suspension system, thankyouverymuch:


Yes, between that and my Rivendell electronic barend shifters I'm enjoying all the hot new cycling trends while staying true to the retrogrouch ethos:

And yes, of course there's a friction option:


Now all I have to do is add a Rock Bar and I can do some serious "weighted cycle training:"




Train Smarter!

- Bring your training to the next level with the Rock Bar. Designed for use in weighted cycle training, the Rock Bar is available with specially designed, fully adjustable weights.

- The design allows the Rock Bar to be attached to the bike at the best locations for weighted cycling...below your center of gravity. Attach below the down tube or the top tube.

- Adding weight to the bike while cycling will increase your strength and power at your ideal cadence. With today's bikes getting lighter and lighter, it is important now to incorporate weights while cycling. The Rock Bar is available with 7 pounds of weight.

Guess the new question is going to be #whatballastyourunning.

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