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Flexing Your Mussels

Posted by on April 4, 2017
Today's post needs be short, but rest assured that if you want more of me--and who doesn't?--you can get it over at the Bike Forecast, which today features my award-winning nature photography:

That's actually a photo of a lion peering out from the reeds, but unfortunately you can't see it because it's behind the hawk.

Speaking of nature, Montana is under siege by killer mussels, and in order to combat this scourge they're going to tax visiting bicyclists:

That's right, if you're not a Montanan and you should suddenly find yourself in "Big Sky Country" somehow (like you were abducted by aliens during a ride, probed anally, and then unceremoniously dumped there by the Grays) you'd better have a "nonresident invasive species decal" on your bike or there's gonna be trouble:

New section. Section 4. Nonresident invasive species bicycle decal.

1. an invasive species decal must be affixed in a conspicuous place to each bicycle that is brought into and used in montana by a nonresident. A nonresident may not use or give permission for the use of a bicycle the nonresident brought into the state on which an invasive species decal is not affixed.
2. an invasive species decal must be purchased each calendar year for $25 at locations prescribed by the department of fish, wildlife, and parks. The decal is not transferable between bicycles.
3. money collected by payment of fees under this section must be deposited in the invasive species account established in 80-7-1004.

And no, as far as I can tell this was not some kind of April Fool's joke, as the douchebag responsible apparently has a great big alien probing wand up his ass over cyclists for some reason.  Here's what he said about them when he spoke against a bicycle safety bill:

“They’re some of the most self-centered, rude people navigating on the highways and county roads I’ve seen. They won’t move over. You can honk at them. They think they own the highway.”

The Senate president also criticized cyclists by saying they use the road without paying a gas tax to support maintenance, and suggested cyclists over the age of 16 should pay a $25 tax.

“They have this entitlement mentality, many of them, that we should just wait for them, and quite frankly I think that’s wrong. … Quite frankly I don’t want more of them in the state because there’s already too many of them as it is.”

Wow, what a shitbag.  Good luck with your zebra mussels, asshole.  I guess if I ever visit Montana I'll bring a big bag of the little fuckers (they're apparently invasive here too so finding some shouldn't be too hard) and flush them down Montana's only toilet.

"Welcome to Montana! Swim, my little lovelies!"  BA-WOOSH!!!!

They're totally going to erect a statue of this guy in New South Wales.

Lastly, remember how last year I curated the Second Annual BSNYC Gran Fondon't?

Sure you do.

Well I'm pleased to announce there's roughly a 70% chance there will be another one this year.  Moreover, there's also a 59% chance that prior to the Fondon't I'll curate some kind of Pre-Fondon't, and if I do that there's also a 40% chance I'll procure some sort of sponsor to buy us beer afterwards.

Just keep in mind that there's also a 75% chance that none of this will happen, which I realize defies the laws of mathematics, but you see I never was very good at math.

And there you have it.

See you tomorrow.


--Wildcat Rock Machine

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