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this just in

Just Popping Back In To Promote Myself

Hello!Just poking my head in the door to let you know that on Monday, April 17th at 7:00pm I’ll be bloviating at the REI in Soho:The subject of my bloviation will be “mountain biking,” which is a hot new trend involving riding bicycles with knobby tire… Continue reading »

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This Just In: I Got A New Site!

Good morning!

I’m pleased to announce I’ve teamed up with/infiltrated/been abducted by the smugness mafia over at Transportation Alternatives, and together we’re bringing you a new site called…

Here’s the email that went out this morning:

Dear Wildcat Rock Machine,

I am Eben Weiss, a.k.a Bike Snob NYC.
Since 2007, I’ve been publishing the BikeSnobNYC blog, my lovingly sarcastic take on the cycling world. Now, with Transportation Alternatives, I’m embarking on a new project:


Drivers and straphangers can always find local media reports on traffic jams and transit delays. But what if you ride a bike?

Bike Snob’s Forecast is your answer — a daily digest for #BikeNYC. Every morning, I’ll update you on the weather and provide you with all the information you need to ride your bike that day.

Citi Bike down? Snow in the bike lane? NYPD ticket blitz? Before you drag your bike out of the house, check out Bike Snob’s Forecast.

Besides the weather, I’ll keep you up to date on the cycling zeitgeist with news from New York and beyond — whether it’s London’s £770m investment in cycling initiatives or the xenophobic community board member blocking a new bike lane in Queens.

And periodically, I will share longer features on cycling in New York City — from ride guides to in-depth mockery — to remind you of the many ways in which this great city is best experienced by bike.

Bike Snob’s Forecast is a resource built exclusively for New York City and people who ride bikes here. Check it out, and let me know what you think at bikesnob@transalt.org.

Eben Weiss
Bike Snob NYC (and TransAlt’s newest blogger)

P.S. Excited about Bike Snob’s Forecast? You can help support this project with a tax-deductible donation to Transportation Alternatives. Donate now to support Bike Snob’s Forecast.


I’m looking forward to this for many reasons, not least of which because it gives me a great excuse to get out on the bike and ride around the city.

Jimmy Breslin is rolling in his grave.

Anyway, the Bike Forecast will be updated daily, if you need me this week that’s where I’ll be.

I love you,

–Wildcat Rock Machine

PS: No, don’t worry, this blog isn’t going away.  It’s like the chewing gum in your spokes: impossible to get out.

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This Just In: Winter Recess!

(We’re gonna need a bigger monument.)

As you know by now, as a curator of human children I am at the mercy of the schedule of the New York City Department of Education, at least until such time as: A) My human children finish or leave school and start earning their goddamn keep; or II) Betsy DeVos abolishes the public school system and instead provides families with vouchers that are redeemable at Chuck E. Cheese’s:

The point is it’s winter recess for the school kids next week:

(Mmmm…winter Reese’s.)

Which means I’ll be taking leave of this blog in order to “parent.”  Unless something really exciting happens before then I’ll be back on Monday, February 27th, at which point I will resume regular updates.  So mark your calendars…

…with blood.

In other news, Freds of New York rejoice!  The George Washington Bridge restoration will now include additional improvements to the bike and pedestrian path:

The authority announced and approved a new proposal on Thursday to extend the narrow sidewalk as it winds around the bridge’s two towers. The “wedges,” as they’re called, will allow for cyclists to navigate the towers comfortably, without dismounting from their bikes, according to the Port Authority.

The agency added the plans to the project after receiving feedback from the cycling community. The George Washington Bridge rehabilitation already includes designs to improve cycling and pedestrian access to the bridge. Narrow staircases leading to the bridge will be replaced with ADA-compliant ramps. And the existing access ramps will be widened and redesigned with gentler curves.

Now all the Port Authority needs to do is implement an aerobar ban and we’ll really be getting somewhere.  After all, if you can’t use them in a mass-start event why should you be able to use them out on the open road?

I’m sure the triathlete community would fight this bitterly, but hopefully in the end we can settle and allow aerobars for Jersey-bound trips but ban them for New York-bound trips.

And if you don’t like my travel ban I’LL SEE YOU IN COURT.

Speaking of justice, what’s the greatest offense you can possibly commit here in the United States of Canada’s FUPA?  Why, impeding the flow of motor vehicle traffic, of course:


A Michigan State Trooper ticketed a bicyclist for allegedly impeding traffic. The bicyclist fought the ticket with the help of Bike Law attorney Bryan Waldman. The bicyclist prevailed at Circuit Court.

This is not a recent video, but it’s the first time I’ve seen it, and it’s worth watching because as an American cyclist it’s important to know where you stand.  (“In the way,” according to pretty much everybody.)

Lastly, further to yesterday’s post there was some spirited (tedious?) discussion about lighting, and as it happens it looks like the NYPD was cracking down on lightless riding last week:

#BikeNYC beware: NYPD ticketing people riding lightless bicycles on 9th Ave at 41st. pic.twitter.com/sOTpkJJ632

— E. B. Lefferts (@EBLefferts) February 16, 2017

Something tells me they weren’t checking for shaped beams.

And with that, I’m outta here.  Thanks for reading, ride safe, and I’ll see you back here on Monday, February 27th.

–Wildcat Rock Machine

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This Just In: I’m Out Until September 6th, Happy Labo(u)r Day!

Yep, that’s right, the title says it all.  I realize I did pop out for a bit last week, but this is it, my Actual Summer Vacation, as provided for in my contract with Bicycle Snobbing Industries Ltd. LLC. Inc. You don’t like it?  Take it up w… Continue reading »

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BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz and Long Weekend Announcement!

Sorry about that, I scampered off for a little ride:It’s easy to come back to New York City from, say, this place and feel sorry for yourself:The fact is though I’ve got it pretty good, all things considered.  I’ve got a subway station right aroun… Continue reading »

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A Transparent Attempt to Ingratiate Myself to our Neighbors to the North in Hopes They’ll Let Me Move There After the Presidential Election in November

Happy Canada Day!This holiday of course commemorates Canada’s victory over the United States in the Maple Syrup Wars of 1846, which were as bloody as they were sticky and delicious:It is traditional in the United States to observe Canada Day by going f… Continue reading »

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Happy Belated Birthday to Me (Or At Least My Blog), and Now I’m Hitting the Road!

Firstly, as usual, I completely forgot yesterday was this blog’s birthday.  It’s now this many:Nine years is a veritable eternity in blog years, and in that time the blogging medium has transformed from something nobody took seriously because it w… Continue reading »

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This Just In: I Made a New Book!

Day after day I selflessly blog for your reading enjoyment, but today’s post is all about me, so deal with it.(Me.)Specifically, I’m officially announcing that my new book will come out on May 3rd, 2016:(My new book, which will come out on May 3rd, 201… Continue reading »

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This Just In: You’re On Vacation From Me!

(That’s why they’re morbidly obese.)
Well Canada Day is behind us but now it’s time for the petulant sibling with behavioral issues to demand his own birthday party, only with BIGGER EXPLOSIONS and JUICIER GRILLED MEAT and BIG BIG SAVINGS ON NEW CARS AND TRUCKS!!!

(That’s a shitty pun even by car dealership standards.)
Likewise, in the spirit of petulance, I’ll be adjourning this blog as of today until Monday, July 13th, at which point I will resume regular updates…just in time for Bastille Day:

(A typical, non-stereotypical Frenchman.)
Good for them.  As for me, I don’t give a fuck what people put in their guacamole.  Furthermore I think it’s highly disingenuous for either of them to criticize, given that America is the country that now makes burritos out of chili cheese fries:
Pass some legislation against that and then you can start picking peas out of people’s guacamole.
(Pro tip: In a pinch, guacamole makes a great chamois cream.)
Incredibly, despite our world-renowned cuisine, a reader informs me that 35% of us would consider leaving Canada’s grease trap:
Though most of us don’t because we’re too lazy:
Note that almost 60% of Americans live here for the same reason you still have the pie plate on your bike: “I dunno, that’s just the way it is.  I didn’t even realize you could do anything about it.”

Note also that 5% of Americans stay here because of something called “weath,” which I’m assuming is either “wealth” or “wheat”–and which means it’s probably not a coincidence that absolutely nobody cited “educational system” as a reason for staying.

Still, this chart is surprising, because I would have expected it to look more like this:
Americans are as good at math as they are at spealing.
Moreover, fully 55% of “millennials” would split if given the opportunity (or, as we call it in America, “oppertunatee”):
This percentage greatly increases for those age 18 to 34. More than half of millennials, a whopping 55 percent, said that they would consider leaving the U.S. for foreign shores. Among them, 43 percent of men and 38 percent of women noted that a higher salary would be a factor in their relocation decision.
So is this because millennials are fickle and spoiled by life in the Land of the Free, or is it because America’s really not all it’s cracked up to be?
I suspect the answer to this question is “Yes.”

Indeed, sometimes it seems like nobody’s happy in America.  Take the Supreme Court’s recent decision on marriage equality.  You’d think that in the wake of a landmark civil rights victory only the religious nutjobs would be complaining, but when it comes to relentless dissatisfaction you should never discount bitter single people:

Firstly, this is something of a cultural watershed, for it marks the day the fixed-gear bicycle replaced the cat as the official symbol for “single person:”
Secondly, the writer is upset because he thinks our culture is prejudiced against single people:

Isn’t it enough to be denied the “constellation of benefits that the States have linked to marriage”? A constellation my coupled queer sisters and brethren now can hold dearly if they just make it official? Once again, being single is the dreary, awful, mournful alternative to marriage. A condition to be pitied, and quickly corrected by a sprint to City Hall.

This is exactly wrong.  Indeed, the only reason nobody talks about the “constellation of benefits” to being single as because it’s so completely obvious as to not warrant mentioning.  (Hint: it’s called “Doing Whatever The Fuck You Want.”)  This is why you get emails like this from your single cycling friends:

“We’re heading out around 11am tomorrow to do 6 or 7 hours.  May stop for beers afterwards.  Let us know if you want to join.”

Of course they know you can’t join, they just do it to taunt you.

Still, he feels that the Supreme Court’s decision has only marginalized single people further:

And so old questions remain: Why can’t I put a good friend on my health care plan? Why can’t my neighbor and I file our taxes together so we could save some money, as my parents do? If I failed to make a will, why is it unlikely a dear friend would inherit my estate?

The answers to all these questions are the same: It’s because I’m not having sex with those people. 

Uh, no, that’s not the answer.  Sex has absolutely nothing to do with it.  Plenty of married people don’t have sex with each other.

Though if all of this was about sex then filing your taxes would sure be a lot more interesting.

And here’s his conclusion:

What Justice Kennedy, and everyone else too, needs to remember is that simply being yourself — your single self — is already the fundamental form of dignity. Founding your dignity on something as flimsy and volatile as a sexual connection insures dignity’s precariousness as it enshrines your inherent unworthiness as a single individual.

I’m not even sure what that means.  It sounds like Lennard Zinn explaining aerodynamic gains, which is something I’ve been ruminating for the past week.  Here’s that Zinn passage again, by the way:

Think of time savings as water pouring into a bucket. Sagan, since his power savings are so much higher with the new equipment than yours are, turns the faucet up high, but he pulls the bucket away sooner because he’s done with his 40km sooner; that limits the total water collected in the bucket. Because our power savings would be lower for the same change in equipment, we would have the faucet on a lower flow rate. But since we’re out there longer, our bucket stays under the faucet longer and ends up with a similar amount of water in it as Sagan’s does.

I think what he’s saying is that with a Venge-Schmenge we’re just as good as Peter Sagan, even if he too has a Venge-Schmenge–which, coincidentally, is exactly what Specialized wants you to believe.

Funny how that works out.

Of course, we all know it’s the rider and not the bike, which this action-packed video proves:

The astute viewer will note certain clues that this rider is not a roadie.  First, there’s the low saddle height:

Then there’s the unusual handlebar position:

But most telling, he’s smiling:

No roadie in the history of the velocipede has ever smiled.

Anyway, what’s harder than riding down a hill backwards on your front wheel?

Riding down a hill backwards on your front wheel while inviting the world to kiss your scranus:

Alas, if only road bikes could always be this entertaining…  Instead, we get the Tour de France, which is why they’re trying to replace all that soporific castle porn with GoPro footage:

“By mounting cameras to the fastest cyclists in the world as they take on the 21-stage race, GoPro will be capturing immersive, never-before-seen content, bringing cycling fans inside the peloton,” GoPro said.
Yes, content like this:
And this:
And even this:
I can hardly wait.
And with that this blog is on hiatus starting…NOW!
See you all back here on Monday, July 13th.
Thanks for reading, ride safe, and happy everything,
–Wildcat Rock Machine

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This Just In: I’m Going On Maternity Leave!

(The stork preparing to deliver a bundle of both joy and racism in Disney’s dated and off-putting 1941 classic, “Dumbo.”)I am very pleased to report that over the holiday weekend our family welcomed a brand-new human child.  This means we now have… Continue reading »

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